Today at 4:41pm will mark two weeks since we had our daughter. It was a long labor (18 hours) where the epidural failed and I refused IV pain meds because they make me ill. I also had to use a “peanut pillow” which is exactly as it sounds; a peanut shaped yoga ball that when placed between your knees while lying in bed can help open your pelvis for easier and faster delivery.I was skeptical but I am now sold. It worked miracles and I highly recommend you look in to it. But despite all that, she made her debut at 7 pounds 5.8 ounces and 19 3/4 inches of beautiful healthy baby.
I knew going in to be induced that everything was about to change, going from two energetic and rambunctious little boys to adding a new baby in the mix. For the last 4 years it has been just the boys and us and now they have to share us with the new baby. Well, in actuality it is more like they have to get use to having less of my attention and intervention and being more independent. But being 4 and 5, how independent can they be? We had prepared for that as much as we could and kept the boys in the loop where the baby’s development was concerned and even told them when I went to the hospital that the baby would be there soon. They were ecstatic and then some. In fact they were in the waiting room with their grandparents when my husband went in and told them little miss was here. My oldest “Bubbers” yelled at the top of his lungs in his excitement “I HAVE A BABY SISTER!” and our youngest couldn’t decide what to do with his hands. They both sported the biggest proudest smiles that I have ever seen. As happy as I was to see my boys after being in the hospital for hours, I noticed two things were different immediately.
- They both looked bigger to me despite the fact that neither had grown in 18 hours. Especially my youngest who was no longer my little baby but a big brother now.
- When all three kids were together meeting each other for the first time, I have never felt more complete.
Now since we have been home for a couple of weeks, we have had a few instances of learning for the boys in regards to being around a newborn. Like NO touching the head, wash your hands, keep your feet out of her face, hold her head, don’t throw things around her and so on. I am afraid it will never end now. lol I have unfortunately found several things that I will be struggling with in the few short days we have been home together.
Splitting attention between everyone in the house is going to be awful. At least until I get the hang of it. Everyone seems to want their share of Mommy’s attention, including the hubs. How am I to juggle?
Mom Guilt is strong now. I feel like every time I say “Not right now” “hold on” or “ I’m feeding the baby” a piece of my heart is being ripped out. It’s early but dang, I am going to have to come to terms with it. I can only do so much and if at the time I can’t do something they ask of me, I can always try harder at another time. Right now the baby is taking up all my time and will for a while. But I have purchased a baby carrier in order to baby wear so that I can do all I can with the boys. For instance, we take walks/bike rides everyday weather permitting. And because it’s summer we will be getting some sort of outdoor water toy like a sprinkler or slip n slide.
Going from the camper where they had a park right outside our door and a pool, both boys are having to adjust to entertaining themselves at the new house. For rainy days, I have art projects and activities set aside and hidden to bust out as surprises. The Dollar Tree is perfect for these little time consumer crafts.
My OCD tendencies no longer fit my life style. I have always had OCD tendencies but with being pulled in so many directions, I can no longer give thought or time to them. Dishes in the sink have to wait, as do the blankets on the floor in the living room. Don’t misunderstand me, I still keep a clean and tidy house but it might not be clean and tidy till the afternoon or evening. The baby has to be fed and so do the boys. Clothes have to be washed but they may not be folded right away because let’s be real, Momma needs that coffee more than ever. I am no longer putting household chores above my kids or sanity. It all can wait and it will be there tomorrow. My happiness and the happiness of my family has taken full priority over everything else. Within reason.
I feel like a page has been turned. I’m not sure if it’s because I had my tubes tied so I know I won’t be having anymore kids or if its because now that we have a baby girl we are complete but I feel like this chapter in our book of life is over. We are done having children so now we are going on to the raising children chapter. I’m not sure why but that scares the hell out of me. There are so many new variables to consider and its a bit overwhelming.
As with everything, it takes time and adjustment. There is a new addition to our family dynamic and everyone is having to adjust. But we are doing good. For the most part the boys just want to help with the new baby or look at her. It’s quite heartening to see how much they love her already. I’m having to get used to letting them help in some areas. They are just as much a part of this as we are and have to learn. As each day passes and a routine starts to emerge we will all get into a rhythm. Until then I will take each day as it comes and pray for patience, I’m going to need it now more than ever.