Being a Mommy · Stories

It was harder than I thought

Seeing my baby start school today was harder than I thought. I never thought I would be the mom that cried when her baby started school for the first time but I was, Although I waited till after I dropped him off and got back in the car to leave. The Hub was there with our youngest waiting on me and just let me. Honestly its the weirdest emotion I have ever felt. Happiness, sadness and unusual feeling of wrong doing. I will try to explain further.

Preschool    Happiness; he was so happy and excited to start that it made my heart happy and joyous. All morning he had been telling me “mommy, I’m going to make a lot of friends.” and “I’m a smart boy.”  And all morning I reaffirmed his suspicions with a “You sure are” and “You will make so many friends Bubba.” He would smile and go about his morning as usual. I  have been dreading this day since the beginning of summer. I have been looking forward to this day since the beginning of summer. We all know the feeling. Its 50/50 and none of us know which will outweigh the other when the time comes. Dread is the one that won out.

preschool1   Walking him in I forced emotional control and feigned happiness for his sake. He had his little Spiderman back pack on and new shoes and clothes and looked around with wonder in his eyes as he took in the new surroundings. We hung up his bag and walked inside the classroom and washed his hands. I watched as he had his first interactions with the teacher and then made eye contact with both teachers and my son. Waved good-bye and walked out as composed as possible. When I reached the car is when I lost it.

Minutes, I only allowed myself a couple of minutes of sadness and then I pulled it together and came back home to watch the Eclipse with my husband and youngest son. It was pretty eery to say the least. There wasn’t complete darkness just as a dim twilight.
Shadows became larger and longer and silence over came everything. All the birds and bugs went hush for the minute and a half that the eclipse reached totality and it was weird. Where we live at, it did NOT get completely dark.

preschool3That occurred 30 minutes to an hour north of us and coincidently it was storming that far north. It was sunny and clear at the camper and very good viewing. We had purchased glasses at Wal-mart in Arkansas and they were rated with the correct ISO score and worked wonderfully.  It was a good learning and bonding experience for our youngest. We have never really had alone time with our Bubbie. We also kinda spoiled him and bribed him with candy and treats after dropping the oldest off cause he was so upset. The boy only goes to school for 3 hours a day. (12:30-3:30) I understand that puts a comedic and pathetic twist on the whole going to school thing but “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want too.” preschool4

Picking him up went so much smoother and seeing his sweet energetic happy smile made me feel complete and right. Bubbie even walked in with me to pick Bubbers, asked all sorts of questions and was very excited to see his older brother. When we walked in he was dancing and singing to a song video on the projector screen. We collected his back pack and said good-bye and walked out to the car where daddy was waiting. We heard all about his first day, all the friends he made and how he got to watch the eclipse through his glasses. Tomorrow is something to be excited about as well as school and learning.

There is so much truth to children. They are happy to be them no matter what and as adults we forget, I forget. For the first time in a while I am excited about tomorrow for my kid. For me. For the potential of something extraordinary happening, for the simple pleasure of having something to do. After not having anything to do for the past year and a half its kinda nice to think I have to take him to school every day and pick him up.

NO more being the camper hermit. YAY! for school.


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