Brain won’t shut off……

brain5It’s 4 AM and I am awake. Believe me, I don’t want to be. Honestly would rather be in the bed sound asleep, however, my brain decided that I should relive every decision I have ever made, Every conversation I have ever had and think of all the different ways past or possible future encounters will go. What the hell right? It’s so stupid. I know rationally that it is irrational which is an oxymoron. Just stop! I have tried. I literally have been lying in the bed staring at a dark ceiling for the last 2 hours. saying to myself “Go to sleep. You need to go to sleep. Just shut your eyes.” every time I shut my eyes they pop back open as if on a spring mechanism. So I decided to get up and write for you all. Maybe the monotonous typing will lure me to bed.

brain1The TV at this time of night/early morning is horrible. Anyone who has ever stayed up past late night television knows what I am talking about. It’s all infomercials or bad drama series, or rerun news. When we first brought home our oldest, he had colic and cried from 10 pm to around 5 am every night. We each had shifts and tried holding him while flipping through awful tv for hours. I once watched 5 hours straight of sports center because I dropped the remote under the chair and was convinced there was nothing better on anyway. Today is no different except I happened onto the show Cheaters. It is a guilty pleasure of mine and brings back to mind the hubs and I’s Dallas days.

When we first moved in together we lived in Dallas for several years for his job. While in Dallas we were dirt poor and the only TV show we could get on the antenna late at night was Cheaters. It was a lot like date night since we couldn’t afford the traditional date of going out to a movie and dinner. So we cuddled on the couch and laughed about the ridiculous nature of the show.  It’s a show that follows around people’s significant others in order to catch them cheating. Think private eye meets Jerry Springer. It’s a train wreck that you can’t look away from.  I never understood why someone would hire a television show to find out if your other half was cheating or not. Why put that on TV for the world to see? Glutton for punishment I guess.  Anyway it’s on now and it makes being awake a tad bit better. Makes me giggle at the stupidity.

brain2The last few days have been like being in a time warp. With the boys gone, the hubs and I have had to adjust back to being just us. It truly is amazing how much you change as a person for your kids. How you want to be better, talk better, act better, eat better.  The first few days, I was asked what was wrong, a lot. Or told “your acting weird.”  well hell yeah I’m acting weird, i don’t know what to do with myself.  Working out and writing has been about it. But I feel good and the hubs and I have spent a lot of tome together undistracted. It’s like we are dating again.  I love that man, more and more everyday but even more than that, he truly is my best friend. We can laugh together, love together and be quiet together without even the slightest bit of awkwardness. Yesterday, we spent all day together, shopping, holding hands (like teenagers lol) and just enjoying each others company. Sounds silly but its was great. Nothing can beat quality time.

brain3We went to the mall and walked around. While we were walking around the boys face-timed us on the phone because they wanted to see us. (How cute is that?)  So we were standing outside Dillard’s, talking on the phone and our youngest gets this look, brow wrinkled in confusion. We ask him “Bubbie, what’s wrong?” He says “Where you at?” we tell him. He seems to contemplate the answer than busts out “Why didn’t you wait on us?” I smiled and told him “we will be back, school is going to start soon and we have to get some clothes for Bubbers.” he shakes his head happily pacified and runs off somewhere off-screen.

brain6I miss them. I miss their antics and goofy jokes. I miss sloppy kisses and tight hugs. I miss their yelling, screaming and dinosaur noises.  Them enjoying themselves makes it easier though and they will be back soon. They will be gone for another week and my hope is that they have a terrific time. I will continue to workout and relax. Its nice not having somewhere to be or a schedule to maintain. Waking up at 8:30 am every morning is also a plus just not this morning since its so early. A nap is probably in my future. 🙂






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