My youngest son crapped his pants today. I’m really not sure if this whole trip is destined to be full of crap or if that’s just my lot in life. A thought for the ages of mommy right? Seriously though, since the day they were placed in my arms, everyday since has consisted of some sort of bile or feces. Haha it should be gross but honestly it doesn’t affect me at all. It’s just another thing that I consider a part of being a mom. Anyway, Bubbie.
There is only one bathroom at the farm-house and usually the rotation of users goes very smoothly. It does help that there is only two women, myself and granny. The boys can pee in the yard, I envy that, I really do. So granny is getting in the shower and asks Bubbie before she shuts the door “Do you need to use the potty?” He looks at her and says very clearly “No, I go pee in grass” she says “okay” and off he goes. Meanwhile I am seated at the vanity (desk with makeup mirror) putting on my glasses after my workout. Several minutes go by and I hear a faint “Mommy………help.” Of course I jump up and run out the door toward the direction of the voice. I am met with the bare cute toddler ass of my son. He is holding his shirt up and his hand out and is sporting a disgusted look on his face. In my head warning bells are going off and that mommy voice is saying “OHHHHHH NOOOOO….” but I ask anyway ” What is wrong?” that was all he needed to go full steam ahead into an explanation that was lost in translation. So I kneel in front of him and help remove his pants, underwear and a sock.
To set the scene, the kid did not even leave the cement pad that extends out the back door into the grilling porch. It is an open air area with a small roof. He had walked to the edge of the pad to pee in the grass. He had also somehow become covered in poo like he exploded expectantly. The look of shock that covered his face said that he had not planned it, so I’m going to assume he had a fake fart (a feeling that feels like a fart but SURPRISE its poop.) He’s done it many times in his short years and I’m afraid throughout his life he will suffer from this. (College is going to be rough. Sad sheets anyone?) The worst part is he tried to catch it……..yes, catch it coming out and had gotten it on his hand. He also had the forethought to try to wipe himself with his sock, which is why he was one socked when I found him. Too funny. The kid has survival instincts. I cleaned him up, got him new clothes and then headed outside to spray off the doo-doo pants. Once I cleaned those, I took the hose and some bleach over to the side of the patio where the incident occured and found a straight up TURD.
Initially, I believed he just had a wet mess but no, I have come to the conclusion that the child had to have sat there and pushed this thing out. It was impressive and all I could do was think of my child as a puppy that needed to be whipped with a rolled up newspaper. Lol but whats done is done. I told my husband about my discovery and he just laughed. he said Bubbie probably thought it was a fart and then got in too deep, so his only option was to just let nature call. Guy logic is so weird. Thankfully it was only a matter of minutes for cleanup and it was outside. Like the saying goes “When in Rome, do as the romans do.” But since we are at the farm “Do as the cows do” and you know what………. they poo outside.
In other news that heifer that was due anyday had her calf today and without assistance. Its so adorable and has the most perfect white face. 🙂