Stories

MOO POO

The adventures never cease to amazing me when on the farm. Today one such adventure commenced in the form of pulling out the John Deer Gator from the mud.

It all began early this morning. The kids, hubby and I had just left for Wal-Mart to get some things for dinner and I get a Facebook message. PawPaw had left for work early  and Granny didnt was to go instead opting  to stay behind to check on a Heifer that is due to give birth any day. (heifer, first time momma cow) The message read simply “Big funny…. Bub wins!!! He gets to help me get the gator unstuck….Yipppeee” (bub is what my hubs is called by his mommy.) I laughed while reading, showed it to the hubs and answered back “okay”.Gator
About an hour later we pull back up to the farm and got our Muck boots on. Granny stayed back at the house to watch the boys while we drove the jeep into the pasture in order to get a look at how stuck it was. Granny had told us that she rode behind the far left corner pond and got stuck. We asked her if she put it in four low and locked the differential which she said she did. The funny thing was she was wearing slip on sandals and had to walk a half mile through the pasture with cow shit mixed mud drying on her legs. (She’s a good sport and was laughing with us.)  So naturally us, being young we thought the old lady (You know I love you) was in a hissy for no reason. We looked at each other and assumed we could do this in a matter of minutes and it would be done. Oh NO!

water buffalo mud
Water Buffalo, Not a cow but pretty close to what the mud looked like.

We drive the half mile through the cattle guard and come up to the Gator and this thing is buried…… BURIED up to its frame in very sticky, very wet and very smelly slop. I look at my husband beside me and say “Holy Crap.” his reply “Literally” such a smart ass he is, I swear, what am I going to do with him?  We park at a safe distance so the Jeep doesn’t get stuck and walk up to the ATV.  I took approximately 6 or 7 steps before I sink into the mud almost up to the top of my boots. FYI my boots come to about an inch, inch and a half below my knee. This is when I realized that this wasn’t just a simple pulling. So I climb into the gator’s driver seat because I do not know how to drive a stick (Jeep is a manual, yes I know I need to learn. All in good time.)Hulk My husband is by no stretch of the imagination a small man. He is 6’3”,  235lbs and lifts weights. Yes, he attempted in pushing this vehicle out of the mud with his manly strength. (My dad said Boys tend to show off by attempting Manly feats of strength. That always makes me laugh cause it is so utterly true.) Anyway, after several minutes pushing his hardest while I moved the wheels back and forth as instructed. he decided to get a chain, attach it to the jeep and pull this thing out. As he walked around the Gator to the Jeep, a very curious calf came bounding over. Now cows, I have noticed are very curious creatures. Especially curious when the very vehicle that brings them cubes and checks them daily is stuck in the mud. The hubs yelled at the curious critter to “GET” and then kinda stomped toward it. It bounded away no harm done like a child looking for trouble. I thought it was cute but the display brought the other cows closer. So now our situation has become more complicated because we have to watch the behavior of the herd as well as everything else.

The chain gets hooked to both sides and he tells me to make sure to watch the chain so it doesn’t break, whip back and get me. (Get me? Do you mean maim or kill me?)  While I come to terms with what fate has potentially put in my path he starts the jeep and backs up slowly.

Nothing….nothing happened, it didn’t budge…….. Cause my husband stalled the freaking Jeep. Goober.

He yells at me to shut my pie-hole cause I’m laughing at his blunder and he jerks the ever-living shit out of me. And it was just that, a jerk nothing else happened, the Gator didnt move in the mud. So I push the gas and my husband pulled, back and forth we go until finally it starts to move. This goes on for probably 10 minutes until I decided to start shaking the gator side to side as hard as I can in order to loosen the suction the mud has created on the tires. Shortly after that the gator starts moving more easily then it’s just out. Like that. Unstuck.  Yippee. I finally free drive it up the hill and take it out of four-wheel drive, back it out actually and then drive up to the house where I wash off the heavy mud before it dries and causes a problem. After it is said and done, the jeep is covered in moo poo and mud as well as my boots. I also have some splattered on my arms and legs. Its nothing a little soap and water can’t wash away.

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