Twelve weeks, Three months, 60 days (5 days a week I work out), or even quarter of a year. All those things seem short when you are talking time in general but when you are talking about a life changing experience….. that is a long time. I can officially say that I have committed to this life for three months. I read one time somewhere that a habit is formed after doing something for 21 days consistently and those first 21 days were a killer. The days after weren’t any better but the excuses became less and less convincing. How can you tell yourself “I can’t do this” when you have already done it, and a couple of times at that. In the post Journey, I made the hard decision to show everyone, especially loved ones my most insecure pictures.
A body can change in absolutely amazing ways when you start holding yourself accountable for your actions and choices. I take pictures because the scale can be a damn liar. I am still not comfortable enough to wear a bathing suit without staring at myself in the mirror while carrying on an internal monologue about why I should wear shorts and t-shirt instead. But the internal, insecure Megan has to be shaken up. Her opinion is wrong and makes me as a whole feel awful about myself. Yes I have stretch marks (I’ve had two babies and carried them full term and health) Yes, I have cellulite, I’m a woman, please show me one that doesn’t have it or hasn’t battled it. Honestly I’m not sure I will ever have abs, or not have excess fat. All I’m trying to accomplish as I have said before is to feel happy with my body. Fighting even with your own self is exhausting and I’m in still only in the beginning of this war. I know this is only one of multiply battles I will have to continue winning. Now is time for strategy, buckling down to complete it and keep it.
This weekend I lost sight of that a little. Had to reel myself in today. Took me a while this morning to commit to the 70 burpees prescribed by my fitness coach (My phone, LOL) We ate really crappy, with lots of snacks and fast food. It was awesome until half way through those burps and I’m cussing myself for the lack of control. I’m not as efficient or motivated. In face I’m pretty sure when my son asked if I was okay, i told him “No, I’d rather be eating a burger and sitting on my big butt.” with no hesitation my littlest man, giggles and says “You so silly mommy, big butt. You can’t eat a burger.” He walks away toward the sand box and turns back to yell “Can I have a Hot dog for lunch?” he’s three and I really wanted to tell him where to go with that question. Mommy would love a freaking hot dog. But instead I shook my head yes and went right back in to the workout. I had a tuna packet and an apple for lunch, he did indeed get that hot dog.
As a way to see the foreseeable future as a real thing, I give myself 4 week goals. Last four weeks, was no candy or soda, walk 8000-9000 steps everyday and start running twice a week on top of my regular workout. I accomplished all those….. pretty much. I didn’t start running till the last two weeks, and I am sure I stole a piece of two of the boys candy. (It was worth it, judge away..) This four weeks May 8th – June 3rd, I want to run every week, push myself harder but judge myself less. I’m all going to try to get 10,000 steps every day regardless of it raining or storming. I’m going to make time for ME. We will see how that goes, wish me luck.
Also I started a Facebook page for this blog also. @Findingmommeblog I like to post funny, inspirational memes and post workout pictures of myself after the torture (it’s only torture while I’m doing it.)