We got new cars and I feel like I’ve reemerged back into society. As I have said in previous posts we only had a truck. But what I didn’t elaborate on is the fact that my boys and I have been stuck to the campground for more than a year without transportation. Every appointment, errand or to do we had, had to wait on my husband to get home from work or schedule for the weekend. Let me be the first to tell you it sounds bad and isolating and it was, just not ALL the time.
There was a major adjustment period when we moved here for multiple reasons. I had a lot of adjustments to accept. Have you ever watched the tv show “Tiny House Nation” or “Tiny House Builders?” They are two of my favorite shows and they always make those houses seem so beautiful and so easy to transition into but they also stress the importance of being ready for the change. I”m here to tell you, I may not live in a Tiny house per say but we do live in a travel trailer that is about one twelfth the size of our old house and they are absolutely right. That is a significant amount of space that we gave up. Honestly that is a lot of modern comforts to give up. You would be surprised at all the things I’ve had to relearn in limited space and with limited equipment.
Let me start off by saying I am in no way a lover of the way we live day-to-day. I manage at best and sometimes enjoy it. There are things I wish we had or wish we could do but all I can do is pray and wait for our house to sell. We have been doing that for over a year. The realtor tells me its a tough market. What the hell does that mean when I have been in 200 square foot box with minimal play room for my two energetic boys for days due to the weather condition and I’m about to pull my hair out. This bad attitude was exaggerated greatly by the fact that I had no car to get in to drive if we got bored or had too much of the living space. If we got a bur up our ass and decided to go to a movie we had to postpone it a couple of days and wait. If we got a craving for McDonald’s, as little boys who love happy meals do, again……wait…..wait….wait. It had become a mantra of sorts and I resented it greatly. There are still times I resent it but everyday is getting better. In the beginning I became depressed and gained weight. I ate and sat around not knowing what to do. I became angry and moody. And the worst part is I felt that I started to take it out on my boys. So I made the conscious decision to do better. Again Pinterest gave me ideas of activities to do outside with toddlers. It was slow going but I eventually came out of the fog and started to see the beauty of the outdoors.
Now I have always liked the outdoors but never truly enjoyed just being outside until our transition to RV living. After several months of a depression fog and crappy weather and then playing with the boys and discovering more and more activities to do with them, I began to LOVE being outside. Just sitting outside is awesome. It’s very peaceful and the boys screeching carries in to unknown directions instead of reverberating against walls. HAHA. And still I felt trapped. I never really wanted to go anywhere in particular but the fact that I COULDN’T go anywhere really bothered me. I’m a social creature and like to talk (Obviously right?) and I came from a great job with great co workers I could talk to, to just my children ( I love them dearly) for 10 or more hours a day. There was a lot of tension those first 6-8 months. The hubby and I had some serious talks regarding the future. I didn’t pray as I should and felt awful about myself. It was the end of August 2016 before I started to feel more like myself and accept that I can’t control our situation. I began to pray again and working out (lightly) and that was also the same time we decided to change our eating habits. My mood swings became worse though and the hubby and I decided that I should get off my birth control because the doctor mentioned that it might be causing my hormones to go haywire. So we made the decision to stop it and see what happened. Still waiting and its been 8 months. There has always been a chance I can’t get pregnant again but we are happy and blessed with the two little boys we were given.
Today May 3, 2017 I feel 100 times better than the first weeks and months. I feel like a new person and feel great about where we are and that we are together. I also LOVE being outside now. I actually prefer being out there walking or sitting in the sunshine than being inside. It also so happens that things worked out and we now have two cars so I feel like the sky is the limit and I know that it is silly but I now understand that I didn’t need a car to be happy. I needed to start this journey in order to begin finding myself again. Without a job and distractions, I had to adjust in order to deal with my own insecurities and problems. Thankfully I have finally got to a place mentally that I could commit to working out everyday and eating well. At the end of this week I will have completed 12 straight weeks of Freeletics and I can NOT wait to see the inches I’ve lost.
I’m Happy, Healthy and comfortable in my own skin. The car has helped but its an accumulation of the other things as well. For the record, I have driven the boys and me to town several times just because I can. It was awesome and it’s another way entertain the crazies when it gets to be too much in the camper. Driving down the road with the radio blaring is now the Boys and I’s favorite pass time. 🙂